#8 Buddy Movies

March 18, 2008

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Get them wrong and on screen pairings between established actors (see I Spy with Owen Wilson and Eddie Murphy) are about as welcome as pubic crabs. But get them right and they will ensure more bums on seats than a tramps convention.

48 Hours
Nick Nolte as the hard ass cop and Eddie Murphy as the convict on parole deliver one of the most memorable love hate relationships. Murphy as ever steals the show with his stand out line “You know what I am? I’m your worst fuckin’ nightmare, man. I’m a n***r with a badge which means I got permission to kick your fuckin’ ass whenever I feel like it!

Gladiator
Russell Crow as Maximus Decimus Meridias and Djimon Hounsou double team to kick Roman ass in this account of an enslaved general out for vengeance when his wife and child are slain on the orders of the scheming emporeror. Open toed sandals never looked so cool on a brother.

Shawshank Redemption
Morgan Freeman is the convict with a heart providing protection to Tim Robbins, the wrongly imprisoned banker who becomes exceptionally popular with the prison guards. Often voted as the best film of all time its no wonder that this on screen chemistry between two incredible actors led to several well deserved Oscars.

Lethal Weapon
Arguably the blueprint by which many a buddy movie were copied from and among the longest running franchises, this the first in the series introduces us to the suicidal loose canon Riggs and the by the book Murtaugh whose trade mark catchy one liner “I’m too old for this shit!” was so good he repeated it in all four movies.

Rush Hour
“This is the LAPD. We’re the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama’s ashamed of me. She tells everybody I’m a drug dealer.” The laughs are piled on thicker than Michael Jackson’s foundation as Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker star as two cops who team up to track down a kidnapper.

Seven
Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt are two detectives on the trail of a sadistic Kevin Spacey who has a penchant for re-inacting the biblical Seven deadly Sins. Pitts role in the film was turned down by Denzel Washington which would have excluded this flick from our black and white buddy movie top ten..lucky us eh.

Pulp Fiction
Reviving the career of John Travolta as one half of the wise cracking team of hitmen. His partner putting in an unforgettable performance as the god fearing assassin, Samuel L Jackson, delivers the movies stand out line that begins “The path of the righteous man…” Come on now you know the rest!

Beverly Hills Cop
The most successful comedy of all time provided a platform on which Eddie Murphy, in the title role as a Maverick Cop Axel Foley , seeks to track down his friends cold blooded killer. Hard to believe that decades later Murphys comic genius would be reduced to dressing up in fat suits for nearly every film role.

Gang Related
“The only difference between a witness and a liar is this: One knows what he’s doing at all times; the other has no clue”. Tupac Shakur and James Belushi had great on screen chemistry as crooked criminals looking to stay one step of the law the trouble is they are both Police Officers.

Training Day
Denzel Washington’s Oscar defining moment came as the crooked cop inducting rookie Ethan Hawke on his first day. They drink, smoke weed, carry out illegal searches oh and kill people. As you can expect nothing good can come of this.

Ok have I missed any…?

#7 Bad Film Reviews

March 10, 2008

Nothing thrills a Film Critic more than a turgid film that enables him to tear the director of such banal tripe a new one! Behold…

10,000 BC

What’s it about:
In a remote mountain tribe a young hunter D’Leh is determined to show he has the strength, courage and indomitable spirit that his fellow tribesmen fear he lacks. It’s the year 10,000 BC (the clue is in the title of the movie) and when his intended and an assortment of other tribesfolk are kidnapped by group of marauding warriors its up to D’Leh to step up to the plate and prove how worthy he is.

Is it any good?
Just before xmas I was late for a preview screening of this which was hosted by the Director Roland Emmerich. As is customary for late comers I was denied access by the burly security guards at the swanky hotel which hosted this auspicious event. Never mind though I made sure I ate like a Saprtan and dined on the food drink I also left with several goodie bags. Anyway I digress…this should have been an omen as I wished I’d missed the press screening for this which took place yesterday as it was truly awful. In fact it’s an instant nominee for the Razzies, turgid, vacuous and a shoddy display of what not to do with CGI. The B in the title should almost certainly be followed by the letter S.

You’ll remember this bit:
Apart from the detached way in which you view the characters I guarantee you’ll let out a low cheer when several meet an untimely death. Several scenes are lifted straight from 300 and Apocalypto without shame or favour. I loved the way that prehistoric man in the first of many nods to the untold plot-holes that pepper this monstrosity, master the art of the English language. Also their unswerving pride in dental hygiene is highly commendable. Do yourself a favour, this film is deader than a DoDo so make sorting your odd socks draw a priority if you are invited to go and see this.

#6 Free Merchandise

March 5, 2008

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Film Critics love merchandise and the Distributers who invite us to their press screenings prey on this. Whether it’s hoodies, t-shirts or usb sticks if its free Film Critics will snatch it up if it isn’t nailed down.

Film Critics know how to play the game though so regardless if a film is excellent or a steaming pile of poo Film Critics will still accept free merchandise which we’ll eventually stick on e-bay.

#5 Film Quotes

March 3, 2008

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Film Critics love film quotes…

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” – Jules Winnfield, Pulp Fiction